Sally Albright: I don't have to take this crap from you.
Harry Burns: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?

What? Since when did tard become politically incorrect?

Gary

David Seville: [the boys are singing Funky Town] Hey guys, knock it off. It's 3 in the morning.
[Theodore and Simon stop, Alvin continues to sing]
David Seville: Alvin.
[he continues]
David Seville: Alvin.
[he continues]
David Seville: ALVIN!

If I ever get held up, you guys better be here.

Liquor Store Owner

Bethany: What are you doing?
Jay: Proving to this bastard I ain't gay.
Bethany: What?
Rufus: Long story, forget it.

Memphis: You bet you will. The word triumph starts with "try" and ends with...?
Young Mumble: umph?
Memphis: That's right, a big ol' UMPH!

I like to see girls of that... caliber. By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.

Dr. Evil

My brother was the big egg, I was the little egg.

Cody Maverick

Girl on jetski: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Frank Martin: I'm trying to catch a bus!

Hey, ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?

Jan

Seriously, when was the last time you turned on the radio to listen to popular music? '70s, '80s?

Matt Farrell

Someone in the family murdered Harriet, and for the past 40 years, has been trying to drive me insane.

Henrik Vanger

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