Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.

Agent Paxton: Now you tell me I'm on a need-to-know basis. And I'm telling you right now, I need to who the fuck John Mason is, right now sir!
Womack: You want to know? Okay. 1962: J. Edgar Hoover is the head of the FBI, some say the country. It's no secret that he kept secret files on prominent Americans and Europeans. De Gaulle, British members of Parliament, even the Prime Minister. I mean, this guy had dirt on everybody in the world.
Agent Paxton: Yeah, I know all of the cloak and dagger stories. Where does Mason fit in?
Womack: Mason was the British operative who stole the files, but our Bureau agents caught him at the Canadian border. Of course, the British claimed that they never heard of him. So we held him without trial until he gave up the microfilm. But he never did.
Agent Paxton: Well, I'm surprised Hoover didn't use his daughter as leverage.
Womack: Hoover was dead in '72, she wasn't born yet. Today... it's a different Bureau.
Agent Paxton: So, you held this guy without trial his whole life. No wonder he's pissed.
Womack: This man knows our most intimate secrets from the last half century! The alien landing at Roswell, the truth behind the J.F.K. assassination. Mason's angry, he's lethal, he's a trained killer... and he is the only hope that we have got.

That's my grandma's ring. She made it all the way through the holocaust with that thing. It's legit.

Stu Price

Well... keep His strength in the dribble alright?

Coach Norman Dale

Charlie Croker: A police boat can get from the station to our position in seven. That means you've got four minutes to work your magic.
John Bridger: What? You told me ten and you said that I would have five.
Charlie Croker: [slightly panicking] When?
[John smiles and then chuckles]
Charlie Croker: [sighs with relief] Do not be messing with me right now. I will kick your ass.

Jerry Maguire: How's your head?
Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.

Princess Leia: I... I can't tell you.
Han Solo: Did you tell Luke? Is that who you could tell?

Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.

I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding Vag.

Seth

Dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"

Christopher

Marilyn Hack and trash, what a juxtaposition.

Chuck Porter

Lando Calrissian: We've gotta be getting some kind of a reading on that shield, up or down!
Nien Nunb: [Alien dialogue]
Lando Calrissian: But how could they be jamming us if they don't know... that we're coming?

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