And like that, she was gone. We gave our statements. Nick and Remy the same. All of us spared any blame for Amanda's death. Jack Doyle resigned on the condition that he and he alone be held accountable. He was granted the dignity of early retirement, but the humiliation of half a pension. It was an ignominious end to an illustrious career.

Patrick Kenzie

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there." And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

Mark

Walter Fane: I'd like to press on, if you don't mind.
Kitty Fane: Surely my comforts are no concern to you

Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.

Lester Bangs

Watching Boy: [stares at Willie] I saw you at another mall.
Willie: Well, I'm happy for you.
Watching Boy: If you really are Santa, you could do magic.
Willie: [whispers] Wanna see some magic? OK, let's watch you disappear!

Harry: I swear I don't know. One second the glass was there and the next it was gone. It was like magic.
Uncle Vernon: There is no such thing as magic!

Blue Collar Man: Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but what are you talking about?
Randal Graves: The ending of "Return of the Jedi".
Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

If John Doe's head splits open and a UFO should fly out, I want you to have expected it.

William Somerset

Mini-me, we do not gnaw on the kitty.

Dr. Evil

Wanda: You just wanted to get me into bed.
Archie: I fell in love with you.
Wanda: How come you dumped me then.
Archie: I wasn't rich enough, remember.
Wanda: Say something in Russian.
Archie: No.

No one is loved as much as you by the people. Don't waste that power.

Mary Todd Lincoln

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