The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki... you're fired.

President Thomas Whitmore

Mike Erganian: What is the subject of your book? Non fiction?
Miles Raymond: Uh, no. It's... it's a novel. Fiction. Yes. Although there is quite a bit from my own life... so I suppose that, technically some of it is nonfiction.
Mike Erganian: Good I like non fiction. There is so much to know about this world. I think you read something somebody just invented, waste of time.
Miles Raymond: That's an interesting perspective.

I just found out, that a girl got killed here last week, and you knew it! You knew there was a shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let people go swimming anyway? You knew all those things! But still my boy is dead now. And there's nothing you can do about it. My boy is dead. I wanted you to know that.

Mrs. Kintner

Jerry Lee Lewis: We're all going to hell for the songs we sing!
June Carter: And what about me, Jerry Lee; am I going to hell too?
Jerry Lee Lewis: No, June, you're beautiful.

Will Turner: This... is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Will Turner: Not much.
Jack Sparrow: Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.

Franny: Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring HIM here?
Wilbur: That... is an excellent question.

Anthony: Maybe we should've robbed your house. You ever think of that?
Dignan: You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig!

The president's shitting bricks so high he can build the pyramids himself.

Jack O'Donnell

Nina: Now Milton, don't be greedy, let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece!
Milton Waddams: Yeah, but last time I didn't receive a piece.
Nina: Just pass.
Milton Waddams: [mumbling] But... the ration of people to cake is...
[cake is passed, everybody but Milton gets a piece]
Milton Waddams: [whispering] Set the building on fire.

Karen Holmes: I never knew it could be like this! Nobody ever kissed me the way you do.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Nobody?
Karen Holmes: No, nobody.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Not even one? Out of all the men you've been kissed by?
Karen Holmes: [giggling] Now that'd take some figuring. How many men do you think there've been?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I wouldn't know. Can't you give me a rough estimate?
Karen Holmes: Not without an adding machine. Do you have the adding machine with you?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I forgot to bring it.

[to the other three] I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.

Woody Stevens

I look quite pretty.


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