Roy O'Bannon: You blew it, John! Never interrupt a man in the middle of a duel! I had 'im! That's what gets me: I had 'im! I had 'im!

Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.


Maggie Fitzgerald: Working the bag, boss.
Frankie Dunn: I'm not your boss. And that bag's working you.

[firing his gun to stop a suspect] All right! Enough of this running shit!


Jack Fuller: How hard can it be?
Joy McNally: I know how hard it isn't.

You're a cool guy, Troy. But not for the reasons your friends think.

Gabrilla Montez

Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.

Violinists love to play an E-string, but audiences really love a G-string!


Jimmy: Are you married?
Wendy Savage: No... but my boyfriend is.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
Ed Hocken: Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...

So here’s to the groom, who got Carried away.

Samantha Jones

I'm a producer because I don't play bass, baby.


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