I want to jump in front of every cab I see, because maybe then I'll stop thinking about her.

Albert

"Ricky Martin"? You named your kid "Ricky Martin"?

Ryan

Lyckety-Splyt: Aight, leaders of the Free World in the mutha fuckin' house!
Future: Man, fuck the Free World!
Cheddar Bob: YEAH! FUCK THE FREE WORLD!
Lyckety-Splyt: Fuck the Free World?
Sol: I should fuck you up, Cheddar!
Cheddar Bob: Future said it!

Pissed Off Fat Guy: You know? Somebody should sue you!
Hancock: You know what? You should sue McDonalds, cuz they fucked you up!

Vivian Cash: Your mama was here. Your daddy too.
Johnny Cash: Oh yeah. And what'd he say?
Vivian Cash: He said now you won't have to work so hard to make people think you've been in jail.

Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?

Regina

Ilsa: Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.
Sam: [lying] I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa.
Ilsa: Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By."
Sam: [lying] Oh, I can't remember it, Miss Ilsa. I'm a little rusty on it.
Ilsa: I'll hum it for you. Da-dy-da-dy-da-dum, da-dy-da-dee-da-dum...
Ilsa: Sing it, Sam.
Sam: [singing] You must remember this / A kiss is still a kiss / A sigh is just a sigh / The fundamental things apply / As time goes by. / And when two lovers woo, / They still say, "I love you" / On that you can rely / No matter what the future brings-...
Rick: [rushing up] Sam, I thought I told you never to play-...

Amos Calloway: Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term "involuntary servitude"?
Karl: No.
Amos Calloway: "Unconscionable contract"?
Karl: Uh, nope.
Amos Calloway: Great!

I can't talk to him, you talk to him.

Thomas Gabriel

Alyssa: How bad could it have been?
Holden: Put it this way: have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a fucking cunt rag?

Grim Reaper: I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.
Bill: Sorry, death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!
Grim Reaper: I said Plum!
Ted: No way! You said Mustard! Can we go back now?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best three out of five!
Ted: I don't believe this guy!

Alex Rose: So Chick, how much is this gonna set us back?
Chick: 25K.
Alex Rose: Okay, 'cause we had had a slightly different figure in our heads. We were thinking of something a little closer to like half a K.

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