Surfing Instructor: I once saw him beat a guy up with a starfish!
Peter Bretter: That's ridiculous.
Surfing Instructor: That guy was me.

[at press conference] I saw Bigfoot once! It made a sound that I don't care to hear twice in my life.

Farmer

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it.

I'm a winner. I'm going to win.

Coach Boone

Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.

I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.

Gretchen

Mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down with?

Jules

Maverick: Mustang, this is Maverick requesting flyby?
Air Boss Johnson: That's a negative ghostrider, the pattern is full.

We're gonna get drunk, we're gonna get laid, and we're gonna win state but not tonight.

Don Billingsley

Thorny: Who wants a moustache ride?
German Woman: I do, I do!
German Man: Oooh, I vant von too!

John Beckwith: You better lock it up.
Jeremy Grey: No, you lock it up!
John Beckwith: You lock it up!
Jeremy Grey: You lock it up!
John Beckwith: You lock it up!
Jeremy Grey: Lock it up!

Harry Burns: You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.
Sally Albright: Why?
Harry Burns: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?
Sally Albright: Its amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

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