What did you say? Wait, what did you say?

Curt Henderson

We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist.

Winston

You have lights! Turn them on! I want to see you fuckin' fools!

Pirate Leader

Ace Rothstein: [to Sherbert] I don't give a shit who he's connected to. Tell him to take his fuckin' feet off the table. What's he think this is, a goddamn sawdust joint?
Billy Sherbert: [to cowboy] Sir, would you mind taking your feet off the table and put your shoes on, please?
Cowboy: Yeah, I would mind. I'm havin' a bad night.
Billy Sherbert: Fuckin' asshole won't budge.

Dr. Claire Lewicki: Boy, you're very quick.
Cole Trickle: You oughta see me drive.

Why don't they ever bring back or remake good shows, like 'BJ and the Bear.' Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.

Brodie

Carl Showalter: So, why don't you just ask him for the money?
Gaer Grimsrud: Or your fuckin' wife, you know.
Carl Showalter: Or your fucking wife, Jerry?

David: You still haven't met his mum?
Shaun: Not yet!
Philip: Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun?
Shaun: It's not that I don't get on with her...
David: Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?
Shaun: No! I love my mum!
Ed: I love his mum too.
Shaun: Ed!
Ed: [singing] She's like butter!
Shaun: Ed!

Zeus: Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherfucker?
Simon: No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

Penny: Johnny, what are you doing?
Johnny: Don't worry about Max; I'll tell him your grandma died.
Penny: How many times have you told me never to get mixed up with them?
Johnny: [long silence] I know what I'm doing, Penny.
Penny: You listen to me; you've got to stop it, now.

Daphne Wilder: Well, who would you choose for my daughter?
Johnny: Me.
Daphne Wilder: What? No way!
Johnny: Why not?
Daphne Wilder: Oh, please. I am not setting my daughter up with an attractive, charming musician who will just break her heart.
Johnny: Wow. Thank you for turning me into a societal cliché.

Relinquishing junk. Stage one, preparation. For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music. Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade, pornography. One mattress. One bucket for urine, one for feces and one for vomitus. One television and one bottle of Valium, which I've already procured from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way also a drug addict. And now I'm ready. All I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton

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