[to Emma] You don't have to be so right all the time you know, it's okay to make a couple mistakes.

Wilder

Kimmy Wallace: I think I'm going to cry.
Julianne Potter: Me too.

Capt. Amazing: I knew you couldn't change.
Casanova Frankenstein: I knew you'd know that.
Capt. Amazing: Oh, I know that. AND I knew you'd know I'd know you knew.
Casanova Frankenstein: But I didn't. I only knew that you'd know that I knew. Did you know THAT?
Capt. Amazing: Of course.

Harold: Oh, nice. 16 Candles is on, man.
Kumar: And the award for the least heterosexual statement ever made in this apartment goes to... Harold Lee! Come on down, man! Take a bow!
Harold: Shut up, man. It's a classic.

You can suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

Johann Krauss

Red: Man, just listen: I would just appreciate it if both y'all would just take your shoes off; I mean, this is brand new carpet, you're tracking mud in here - Matheson, you've got British Knights on. I ain't seen anybody wear them since 1987!

Detective Remy Bressant: [about Patrick] Half the guys he knows are degenerates.
Patrick Kenzie: Yeah, you know what the other half are?
Detective Remy Bressant: What?
Patrick Kenzie: Cops. Don't hold it against me.

Torrance Shipman: Get out of here!
Justin Shipman: Hey, this is the living room, it's public domain!

Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce.

Melanie Carmichael

William: Can you keep a secret?
[the lone girl nods]
William: I was born in Cheapside, in that house over there.
[points it out to the girl]
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Really? I live just there.
[points to the house across from it]
William: Wait, how old are you?
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Nine and one half, sir.
William: Nine and one half. I wonder if you remember a man, who died just before you were born. He was as tell as a knight, his name was John Thatcher.
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Well of course I remember him.
William: You do?
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Yeah, he lives there still.
[William is shocked]
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Sometimes you can see him looking from his window, though no ones know why.
William: What do you mean?
Lone Girl in Cheapside: He's blind, sir.

Patrick: C minus, ladies and gentlemen! I am below average!
Sam: Below average!
Patrick: Below average!

The only serious relationship I've been in ended in a broken collarbone and a dead meerkat.

Gordon

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