Fiona: Where's Gareth?
Matthew: Torturing Americans.
Fiona: How thoughtful of him.

May Belle Aarons: Hey, look! I got some Twinkies!
Jesse Aarons: I'd be quiet about those Twinkies, May Belle.
May Belle Aarons: You're just jealous cause I got some and you didn't.
Jesse Aarons: Whatever. Just don't come running to me when you lose them.
May Belle Aarons: I'm gonna eat em, not lose em.

Catharine Deane: Hey you.
[pets young Carl's horse]
Catharine Deane: You know, I know another little boy who has a horse. His name's Edward. The boy, not the horse.

Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor?
Nurse: Uh, no.
Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical!

Shut up! The man with the Colt 45 says shut up!

Salim

Dr. Jean Grey: You would die for them?
Logan: No not for them... for you.
Dr. Jean Grey: Save me...
Logan: I love you...

[after being tortured by weed whacker] Who brings a weed wacker on a boat?

Drug Lord's First Hostage

I got a full-on robot chubby.

Evil Ted

Michael Newman: [trying to convince him to let the project be procrastinated so he can go camping] Three days? Couldn't I have a little more time for this project?
Ammer: Michael, our clients are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.

Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.
Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?
Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.

Haven't you ever wondered why the crime rate is so low? But the accident rate is so high?

Nicholas Angel

Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.

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