[referring to Col. Saito, who had a machine gun brought up to threaten Col. Nicholson and his officers] He's going to do it, believe me, he's really going to do it!Commander Shears
Michael Newman: My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that.
Trudy: It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
Ted: [Laughing] It looked like a litttle Tic Tac.
Michael Newman: Yeah, come, here, I'll freshen your breath.
Chunk: Look at this. They've got Misissippi Mud and they've got Chocolate Eruption and they've got what?
Chunk: It's a stiff.
Nina: We have to make him quit. If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals, I could photoshop them.
Maria Kelly: That's an excellent idea!
Jim The Gun Salesman: [persuading her not to buy a large gun and bullet to shoot a mockingbird] First of all, there's this book, "To Kill A Mockingbird"...
Kit: Copy that too, just put that book right here!
If we are going to pay this much for crab it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid!Claire Foster
They rode them down, Lara. Women and children, begging for bread. There will be no more 'peaceful' demonstrations.Pasha
Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H. [Scott snickers] What?
Scott Evil: Why don't you just call it operation ass-cream, you ass.
Dr. Evil: I'm sorry, did you say you want some ice cream?
Scott Evil: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.
Dr. Evil: Perhaps later.
Number 2: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
Melanie Carmichael: [of Bryant the dog] Can he swim?
Jake: Doesn't look like it.
If it looks like shit, and it sounds like shit, than it must be shit.Jack Horner
[after getting a fist-tap from Woody and nearly wiping out] Man, oh, man. I almost lost it back there. I didn't know what was going on.Dudley Frank
Wayne Campbell: Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say, it's OK, I don't mind. I don't mind. Well I mind! I mind big time? And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.
Cassandra: Is that true?
Wayne Campbell: Yes, everything except the reading part.