The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.


It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four-letter word.

Joel Goodson

Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair?
Mrs. Teasdale: A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea.
Rufus T. Firefly: I'm letting you off easy: I was going to ask for the whole wig.

Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this fuckin' movie from getting made!
Holden: Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, fucking retarded? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?

Yeah! I'm a chicken!

'Baby' Brent

Adam: You really think that a girl is going to go for me just 'cause I have cancer?
Kyle: For the millionth time. Yes!

Ferguson: [as Julie reaches into her bra for a hidden handcuff key] What you got an itch? I'd love to scratch it.
Julie Mott: [gives Ferguson the finger] Scratch this, okay?
Ferguson: Yeah I'll scratch anything you want to you blue-eyed bitch.
Julie Mott: Did you go to college?

Steven Spielberg: So, Austin, what did you think of the opening credits?
Austin Powers: Well, I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest film maker in the history of cinema, is making a movie about my life. Very Shagadelic, baby, yeah!

Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Edward: Uh-huh.
Willy: It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.

Joseph Dunn: I thought maybe because you're my dad... I thought I might be like you... I'm not like you...
David Dunn: You are like me. We can both get hurt. I'm just an ordinary man.
Joseph Dunn: No, you're not... Why do you keep saying that?

Veruca Salt, the little brute / Has just gone down the garbage chute / And she will meet as she descends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A fish head for example cut / This morning from a halibut / An oyster from an oyster stew / A steak that no-one else would chew / And lots of other things as well / Each with its rather horrid smell / These are Veruca's newfound friends / That she will meet as she descends / These are Veruca's newfound friends / Who went and spoiled her / Who indeed? Who pandered to her every need? / Who turned her into such a brat? / Who are the culprits, who did that? / The guilty ones - now this is sad / Are dear old mum and loving dad.

Oompa Loompa

Bob: Wha - why is there tape on your nose?
Dignan: Exactly!

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