And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.

Buck Laughlin: Am I nuts? Something's wrong with his feet.
Trevor Beckwith: I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but you're right.
Buck Laughlin: He's got two left feet.

I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"

I'd hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge me, that'd be no fun.

I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts.

Buck Laughlin: Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.

Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor?
Nurse: Uh, no.
Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical!

Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?

Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!

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