Chili Palmer: [gets up]
Tommy Athens: Hey, wait. Where are you going?
Chili Palmer: I'm going to the men's. I just had two ice teas.
Tommy Athens: Hey, Chil. How does the movie sound?
Chili Palmer: Well, you don't have a movie yet. You have a setting and a premise. But you don't have character arcs or a plot
Tommy Athens: [while Chili is going to the restroom] Hey, who will play me? Think about that.
Chili Palmer: [turns around] What about Carrot Top?

Chili Palmer: How many miles to the gallon to you get on those Hummers, about 12?
Dabu: Nine.
Sin LaSalle: Dabu! Thank you, Mr. Goodwrench.

[Sin LaSalle and the DubMD's are standing in front of Chili Palmer's Insight]
Sin LaSalle: Well, imagine the odds, me and my crew was just out getting' some Mongolian barbecue and we stumble across your ol' weak ass ride.
Chili Palmer: Did you leave any food in Mongolia?

Chili Palmer: [after seeing Raji in a Mink covered coat and hat] Well, if it isn't Flea Diddy.
Raji: Man, don't be comin' in here pretendin' you know anything about rap.
Chili Palmer: Oh, but I know more about rap than you do. I bet you don't even know who the Sugarhill Gang is.
Raji: But, I know who the Bust Da Cap In Yo Ass Gang is.

Next time you come to my house to kill me, make sure I'm home first!

Fast Freddie: Who are all these people trying to kill you?
Chili Palmer: I don't know. I'm in the music business now. It could be anybody.

Elliot Wilhelm: When are you going to call me?
Chili Palmer: When your phone rings.

Chili Palmer: Do you know that you are willing to say the R rating, you have to say the "f" word once?
Tommy Athens: You're kidding me.
Chili Palmer: Yeah. You know what I say? Fuck that. I'm done.

Chili Palmer: [about a Honda Insight] It's the Cadillac of hybrids.
Martin Weir: But what about speed?
Chili Palmer: If you're important, people will wait.

Linda Moon: That's my manager, Roger.
Chili Palmer: He talks like that?
Linda Moon: He thinks he's black.

Bo Catlett: It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?
Chili Palmer: That's right, we're getting Martin.
Bo Catlett: Come on, how you gonna do that?
Chili Palmer: I'm gonna take a gun, I'm gonna put it to his head, and say, "sign the fucking papers, Martin, or you're dead." That's it.
Bo Catlett: I wonder, would that work?

Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.
Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?
Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.

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Chili Palmer

Chili Palmer Picture

Chili Palmer is the main character of Get Shorty.  He's a loan shark from Miami that makes his way out to Los Angeles to collect on a debt.  He ends up staying there and becomes a movie producer for a movie about his life.

Played By
John Travolta
Full Name
Chili Palmer