[C.D. is helping Chris with his first letter to Roxanne]
C.D. Bales: Let's take a look at that letter...
Chris McConnell: I think it's really good!
C.D. Bales: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to have a drink sometime? If you do, check this box."

Roxanne Kowalski: So why did you say those things?
C.D. Bales: Tell her you were afraid.
Chris McConnell: Because I was afraid.
Roxanne Kowalski: Of me? Afraid of what?
C.D. Bales: Tell her you were afraid of words.
Chris McConnell: What?
C.D. Bales: Words.
Chris McConnell: Because I was afraid of worms, Roxanne! Worms!

C.D. Bales: Do you know the phrase carpe diem?
Chris McConnell: It's, it's fish, fish bait, right?

C.D. Bales: [the first time Chris sees C.D.'s nose] It's hypnotic, isn't it?
Chris McConnell: It's huge! It's enormous! It's gigantic! I mean, they said it was big, but I didn't expect it to be BIG!

Chris McConnell: What am I afraid of her for? She's no rocket scientist.
C.D. Bales: Well, actually, she is a rocket scientist.

Your breasts, they're like melons. No, no, they're like pillows. Can I fluff your pillows?

Chris McConnell: [after Chris accidentally insults C.D.'s nose] Aren't you going to kill me? The guys said...
C.D. Bales: Oh, ordinarily, yeah, but not today.
Chris McConnell: How come?
C.D. Bales: Because yesterday... she doesn't. But today... she does.
[They laugh together, as the guys come back in]
Chuck: So you finally got a sense of humor about your nose.
[C.D. grabs his tie and slams him against the wall, causing the guys to run out again]

Ralston: Man, whatever you do, don't stare.
Chris McConnell: Look, I'm not gonna stare, come on.
Jerry: None of us would. But you get there, and you feel yourself not staring.
Ralston: Then you think, "it's obvious I'm not staring." So you look, and you think, "I'm staring." So you say, "this is ridiculous," and you take a GOOD LOOK. And you think, "I'm looking at a man who, when he washes his face, loses the bar of soap."
Chris McConnell: [laughs] Thanks guys, all right.
Ralston: Don't say we didn't warn you.

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