Richard: [as he rolls up the sheet that covered Grandpa and packs the bags in the trunk of the bus] You know, Olive, Grandpa would have been proud of you today.
Sheryl: You were great.
Frank: You were better than great.
Dwayne: You were incredible.
Frank: Good night Dwayne.
Dwayne: [scribbles on notepad] Don't kill yourself tonight.
Frank: Not on your watch Dwayne. I wouldn't do that to you.
Dwayne: [on notepad] Welcome to hell.
Frank: Thanks Dwayne. Coming from you that means a lot.
Frank: So who do you hang around with?
Dwayne: [shakes head]
Frank: No one?
Dwayne: [writes "I Hate Everyone"]
Frank: What about your family?
Dwayne: [underlines "Everyone"]
Grandpa: So are you gettin' any?
Dwayne: [shakes his head no]
Grandpa: Christ! What are you? 15? You gotta be gettin' that young stuff!
[after finding out he is color blind and can't fly jets] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Pageant Assistant: Are you authorized to be backstage?
Dwayne: [without stopping] No.
Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap- high school and everything- just skip it.
Frank: You know Marcel Proust?
Dwayne: He's the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh- he gets down to the end of his life... and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered- Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school? Those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.
Frank: Friedrich Nietzsche? You stopped talking because of Friedrich Nietzsche?
Frank: Far out.
You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest!
Life is one fuckin' beauty contest after another.
[written on piece of paper showing it to Frank] Welcome to hell.