Eric Cartman: More people will come if they think we have punch and pie.
Kyle: [typing] Punch and pie.

Sheila Broflovski: ...if it's war they want, it's war they'll have!
Cartman: This is fucking weak..

Wow, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh?

Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?

Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fuckin' ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip!

Cartman: Kyle, all those times I called you a stupid Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman! I *am* a Jew!
Cartman: No, no, don't be so hard on yourself.

Stan: What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now? / He'd make a plan and follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Kyle: When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the Gold, / he did two salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blindfold!
Cartman: When Brian Boitano was in the Alps fighting grizzly bears / he used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair!
Stan, Kyle: So what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today? / I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Cartman: I want this V-chip out of me. / It has stunted my vocabulary.
Kyle: And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone.
Stan: For Wendy I'll be an activist too, / 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: And what would Brian Boitano do? He'd call all the kids in town / and tell them to unite for truth, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
[intermission]
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010, / he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again!
Cartman: And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids he beat up Kublai Khan!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody! / So let's call all the kids together / and unite to stop our moms. / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!

Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman.
Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
Kyle: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!

Cartman: It was the Terrence & Phillip movie.
Kyle: Dude!
Cartman: What? Fuck you guys. I wanna get out of here.

Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right?
[short pause]
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.

That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

I hate you Kenny.

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Eric Cartman

South Park Characters

Eric Cartman is one of the four main kids in South Park.  Cartman is the fat kid and the bully of the group, but easily the best source of entertainment.

Played By
Trey Parker
Full Name
Eric Cartman