Eric Cartman Quotes
Eric Cartman: More people will come if they think we have punch and pie.
Kyle: [typing] Punch and pie.
Sheila Broflovski: ...if it's war they want, it's war they'll have!
Cartman: This is fucking weak..
Wow, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh?
Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?
Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fuckin' ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip!
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I called you a stupid Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman! I *am* a Jew!
Cartman: No, no, don't be so hard on yourself.
Stan: What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now? / He'd make a plan and follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Kyle: When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the Gold, / he did two salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blindfold!
Cartman: When Brian Boitano was in the Alps fighting grizzly bears / he used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair!
Stan, Kyle: So what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today? / I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Cartman: I want this V-chip out of me. / It has stunted my vocabulary.
Kyle: And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone.
Stan: For Wendy I'll be an activist too, / 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: And what would Brian Boitano do? He'd call all the kids in town / and tell them to unite for truth, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010, / he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again!
Cartman: And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids he beat up Kublai Khan!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody! / So let's call all the kids together / and unite to stop our moms. / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman.
Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
Kyle: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!
Cartman: It was the Terrence & Phillip movie.
Cartman: What? Fuck you guys. I wanna get out of here.
Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right?
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.
That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
I hate you Kenny.