Bruce: What if I need you? What if I have questions?
God: That's your problem, Bruce. That's everybody's problem. You keep looking up.
Bruce: So you're the janitor, electrician, the boss. Must be one hell of a Christmas party... don't get drunk though, one of you may need a ride home
God: [laughing] You've always had a sense of humor, Bruce, just like your father.
People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is that they have the power. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle.
God: Bruce, you have a divine spark. You have a gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. I know, I created you.
Bruce: Quit bragging.
Bruce: Where are you going?
God: I'm taking a vacation.
Bruce: God doesn't take vacations. Does he?... Do... ye?
God: Did you ever hear of the dark ages? Besides, I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes, if you want to. Right?
Bruce: Lord, feed the hungry, and bring peace to all of mankind. How's that?
God: Great... If you wanna be Miss America.
I did the same thing to Gandhi, he didn't eat for three weeks.
God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.
Bruce: How do you make so many people love you without affecting Free Will?
God: [snorts] Heh, welcome to my world, son. If you come up with an answer to that one, let me know.
Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
Bruce: Is this heaven?
God: No, this is Mount Everest. You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time. But I guess you can't now, being dead and all.
Bruce: I'm *dead*?
God: Naw, I'm just messing with ya.
Bruce: That's not funny, Man! That is *not* funny.