Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Gwen: Well I think it takes a lot more then the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person.
[Van looks shocked]
Van Wilder: Like what?

Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
[looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.

Van Wilder: Well just take a look at this... ya... doodles... I attend class today just about stayed the whole time too!
Gwen: I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
Van Wilder: And a few that weren't mine, I stepped in the wrong room, liked what I heard... stayed.
Gwen: That's great!

Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

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