Happy Gilmore Quotes
[to Shooter] Did that go in? I wasn't watching, did it go in? I didn't see it, could you tell me if it went in?
Virginia: I thought we were just going to be friends.
Happy Gilmore: What? Friends don't listen to Endless Love in the dark.
Virginia: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.
Happy Gilmore: I'd like to punch that guy in the face right now. But I can't, you know, because I'd get in trouble. I bet you get a lot of that on "Let's Make A Deal."
Bob Barker: It's "The Price Is Right," Happy.
Happy Gilmore: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Bob Barker: It happens. Let's play some golf.
Happy Gilmore: Okay.
Happy Gilmore: You like THAT old man? You want a piece of ME?
Bob Barker: I don't want a PIECE of you, I want the whole THING!
Announcer: We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Bob Barker: I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy Gilmore: You better relax, Bob.
Bob Barker: There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy Gilmore: All right, let's go.
I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the wrost. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.
You're gonna die, clown.
Chubbs: Hey, I'll bet your neighbour the accountant, can't drive the ball 400 yards. I'll bet your neighbour the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!
Happy Gilmore: And how would I do that?
Chubbs: You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows, maybe you'll win the Tour Championship. Get that gold jacket that I never got.
Happy Gilmore: Gold jacket, Green jacket, who gives a shit.
[to caddy] Where were you on that one, dipshit?
Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!
Son of a bitch ball. Why can't you go home? Aren't you good enough for your home? ANSWER ME! Suck my white ass ball!