Bob Banks: What is that smell?
Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the septic tank overflowed.
Greg Focker: I told you, Jack, it wasn't me, it was Jinx.
Jack Byrnes: FOCKER, I'm not gonna tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ sakes!
Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker.

Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a *very* unique last name and Jack and I were wondering how to pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like its spelt. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker.

I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.

I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.

Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something.
Dina Byrnes: What?
Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name.
Dina Byrnes: Martha... Oh, no.
Jack Byrnes, Dina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker.

Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security.

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car?
Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why?
Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green.
Greg Focker: Oh.
Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it.

Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not.

Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life, / You gave me milk, / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela, / An angel from Heaven, / But you were also an angel of God, / And he needed you, too. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force, / And now we'll meet in Heaven, / And I shall see you / Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore.
Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.
Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.

Greg Focker: You can milk just about anything with nipples.
Jack Byrnes: I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?

Are you a pothead, Focker?

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Jack Byrnes

Jack Byrnes and Mr. Jinx

Jack Byrnes is a former CIA agent that retired under the disguise of a florist. In Meet the Parents, Gaylord "Greg" Focker tries desperately to impress Jack so that he may ask for his daughter, Pam's hand in marriage. However, Jack does not trust Greg and uses his CIA techniques to investigate this murse.

In Meet the Fockers, Jack drives an RV with his family and Greg to meet Greg's parents, the Fockers.

Played By
Robert De Niro
Full Name
Jack Byrnes