Melanie Carmichael: [gets up to leave] Jake, I can't do this.
Jake: [grabs her arm so she faces him] I know.
Jake: [eventually pulling away] Go home, Mel.
Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?
Jake: Whatever blows your dress up, darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money.
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as "our money."
[Jake stops cold]
Melanie Carmichael: Just a guess: The words *joint checking* are flashing in your head right now.
Melanie Carmichael: And don't even pretend like you missed me.
Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.
Jake: What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories.
Jake: You show up here, after seven years, without so much as a "Hey there, Jake, remember me... your wife!" Or a, "Hi honey, lookin' good. How's the family?"
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know.Jake
Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Stella: You know for someone whose been holding onto something for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go.
Jake: I can't control her, any more than I can control the weather.
The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off.
Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?
Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
Jake: You're shittin' me, right?
Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.