You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and fuck it. People would be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once."
Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!
Teen #1: How about a nickel bag?
Jay: Fifteen bucks, lit-tle man. Put that shit in my hand. Nong nong nonga nonga nong nong.
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] He likes to sing.
I was taking a piss when I heard the news, congratulations!
Teen #1: You holding?
Jay: Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your cock!
Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!
That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
Jay: Aww, fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
[shocked Silent Bob stares at Jay]
Jay: Dude, not all the time.
I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!
Jay: Maybe he's got a message on him, like in Con Air.
Rufus: Aww, man, did that movie suck!
Jay: [hiding behind silent Bob] Kill it, kill it!
Rufus: Con Air, Con Shit!
Jay: You know, I hear pregnant women can have sex until their third trimester.
Bethany: I'll keep that in mind.
[waking from a dream] I didn't cum on you, Pete, I swear.