Joel Goodson Quotes
Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.
Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.
It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.
I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck" anymore.
Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.
Guido: Listen to me.
Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!
Guido: [hangs up]
Joel Goodson: Shit!
Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.
My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?
It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four-letter word.
Miles: So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.
Joel Goodson: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel Goodson: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel Goodson: I don't know. Could I send it to you?
Lana: [incredulous] Could you send it to me?
Joel Goodson: [long pause] I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not real good at waiting.
Joel Goodson: I'll be quick.
Joel Goodson: Uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmm. I'll be needing 300 dollars. Joel.
Joel Goodson: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.