Kirby: I understand the fold, but what's fluff?
Kevin: Fluff's what I write for the paper.

Kirby: Why do they put ice in the urinals?
Kevin: It tastes better.
Kirby: Bah Dum bum ching.

Kirby: There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.

Kirby: You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?
Kevin: Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.
Kirby: It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.
Kevin: Says who?
Kirby: Anyone who's been in love.
Kevin: Love sucks.
Kirby: So does your attitude.

Kirby: It's true love, my friend.
Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.

Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.

Dale: Kirby! How are you?
Kirby: I'm obsessed thank you very much.

Kirby: I always thought we'd be friends forever.
Kevin: Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Kirby Keger


Played By
Emilio Estevez
Full Name
Kirby Keger