Kumar Patel: So, you like, smoke weed, then throw people in jail for smoking weed? That's so hypocritical, dude.
George W. Bush: Do you like to give hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Uh, no.
George W. Bush: Do you like to get hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Well, yeah!
George W. Bush: That makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too!

Fuck you, donuts are awesome!

I've never sucked a dick before. I bet it sucks dick!

Kumar Patel: After all we've been through, I'm not sure we can trust our government anymore.
George W. Bush: Hey, I'm in the government and I don't trust it. Listen, you don't have to trust the government to be a good American. You just have to believe in your country.

Chloe: You remember that time you stole that monkey and put it in Rosenberg's dorm room?
Kumar Patel: Had I known that the monkey had AIDS I never would have done that.

Kumar Patel: In eight hours we are going to be in Amersterdam.
Harold Lee: This is amazing.
Kumar Patel: I know dude, it's going to be exactly like Eurotrip except its not going to suck.

Kumar: [about Doogie Howser, M.D] So, I gotta ask you Neil, did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show.
Kumar: Even the chick who played the hot nurse?
Neil Patrick Harris: No... I didn't go all the way with her.

Kumar: So where you going to go now, Neil?
Neil Patrick Harris: [puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me!

Harold: [awakening from dream after being hit on head] What the hell are you doing? Gawd!
Kumar: You been out cold for the past half an hour. I figured maybe if I did some gay shit, you'd wake up.
Harold: If you did some gay shit? What kinda - where are we? Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?
Kumar: It ran away. Listen, forget about the cheetah, okay?

Officer Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that five o's or two u's?
Kumar: No, it's actually one "u"
Officer Palumbo: Yeah... bullshit.

Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Male Nurse: Marijuana?... But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.

Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that!
Kumar: Nice!

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Kumar Patel

Kumar Patel Picture

Kumar Patel is close pals with Harold Lee. These two always seem to find trouble for themselves, having gone to White Castle in one movie and having to escape from Guantanamo Bay in a 2008 film.

Played By
Kal Penn
Full Name
Kumar Patel