Lelaina: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy Dyer: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that.

Lelaina Pierce: Are you religious?
Michael Grates: Um, uh, I guess uh, I guess I'm, uh a non-practicing Jew.
Lelaina Pierce: Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin.

I have to work around here, and unfortunately Troy, you are a master at the art of time suckage.

Lelaina Pierce: I'd like to somehow make a difference in peoples' lives.
Troy Dyer: And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke.
Lelaina Pierce: And you wonder why we never got involved?

Troy Dyer: The only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina: Yeah, well, I'm not sure who that is anymore.

Vickie: Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? Don't you think it would be so much easier?
Lelaina: Sometimes, but I don't know. I could never go through with it. I'd start laughing or something.
Vickie: That is such a shame because I have had it with men.

He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.

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