Leo: [to Ulla] We might have a position for you.
Max: Actually, we might have several positions for you.

Leo: What's your name?
Ulla: Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yansen Tallen Hallen Svadon Swanson.
Max: What's your first name?
Ulla: That was my first name. Would you like to know my last name?
Max: We don't have the time.

Leo: Actors aren't animals! They're human beings!
Max : Have you ever eaten with one?

Franz Liebkind: You know, not many people know zis, but der Führer was a terrific dancer.
Max: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?
Leo: No, we sure didn't.
Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!

Max: The two cardinal rules of producing. One: Never put your own money in the show.
Leo: And two?
Max: [yelling] Never put your own money in the show!

Max: Do you know who I am?
Leo: You are Max Bialystock, King of BROADWAY!
Max: No, I am Max Bialystock - that's right!

You were right about one thing you are a CPA, a certified public asshole!

Mr. Bialystock, I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine.

Today I have taken the Siegfried oath, and danced with a sailor, a cop and an extremely friendly Cherokee Indian.

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Leo Bloom


Played By
Matthew Broderick
Full Name
Leo Bloom