Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

Lou: "Here's a question: Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question: Do I give a f***?"

Lou: "I love you, Jacob!"
Jacob: "F*** you!"
Lou: "Little scamp. They say the damnedest things, man."

Jacob: "Nobody f***s my mother in the past!"
Kelly: "I feel pregnant."
Lou: "You're welcome."

Lou: "Who took my f***in' shoe?!"
Jacob: "Blaine apparently beat your shoe off of you, which -- I don't even know how that could f***in' happen."

Lou [shouting from a rooftop to the '80s teenagers below]: "Hey, John Lennon gets shot!...
[To himself:] Wait, did that happen yet?"

Lou: "Hey, man, can I ask you a question? Does this seem like it's all about Adam again?"
Nick: "Yeah--just like Cincinnati."
Adam: "You're gonna bring that up?"
Lou: "We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinnati ever, okay?"
Jacob: "Is this why you have that shoebox in your closet that says 'Cincinnati'?"
Adam: "Yeah."
Lou: "What?! That's f***in' admissible!"
Nick: "You keep it in the closet?!"
Adam: "What am I gonna f***in' do with it? You can't bury those things."
Nick: "You wrote 'Cincinnati' on it?!"
Adam: "How do I know which one it's supposed to be?!"
Jacob: " ... Is it a fetus?"

Jacob [discussing "the butterfly effect"]: "... like, you step on a bug, and the f***in' Internet's never invented."
Lou: "Oh, then you have to talk to girls with your mouth."

"I seriously almost passed out, you're such a dork."

Jacob: "Guys! This is scientifically possible."
Lou: "Oh, my god. Okay, Professor Hawking, tell me in your robot voice how this is scientifically possible."

"I want an escort to escort our penises into her vagina."

Jacob: "For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones."
Lou: "You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones."

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