Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!
Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more!

You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb up there.

Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] ... we... get back on!
Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.

Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!
[flings "M" shaped shuriken at the Prime Minister]
Mugatu: Die, you wage-hiking scum!

I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

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Maury Ballstein

Maury Ballstein Picture

Maury Ballstein is Derek Zoolander's agent and unfortunatley part of the conspiracy to make Derek assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia.  Great role by Ben Stiller's own father.

Played By
Jerry Stiller
Full Name
Maury Ballstein