Max Fischer Quotes
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.
Max Fischer: And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct.
Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying
Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.
[to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!
Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.
Rosemary Cross: I'll show you the door.
Max Fischer: I'll just go back out the window.
Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business.
Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.
[to Rosemary] We both have dead people in our families.
[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?
Magnus Buchan: [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!
Max Fischer: Is that Latin?
Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.
Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?
Herman Blume: I don't know.
Max Fischer: Over ten million?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer: Good, good.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.
Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.
Max Fischer: So tell me Curly, how do you know Miss Cross?
Dr. Peter Flynn: We went to Harvard together.
Max Fischer: Oh that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.