Merrill Hess Quotes
Merrill: I'll make some sandwiches.
Bo: I want spaghetti.
Graham Hess: Spaghetti sounds great. What do you want, Morgan?
Morgan: Anything? French toast and mashed potatoes.
Graham Hess: Good choice. Merrill?
Merrill: Chicken Teriyaki.
Graham Hess: I'm gonna have a cheeseburger with bacon. Extra bacon.
SFC Cunningham: I've got it figured. I've had two separate folk tell me that there have been strangers around. Can't tell what they look like, 'cause they're staying the shadows... covert-like. Nobody's been hurt yet, and that's the giveaway.
Merrill: I see.
SFC Cunningham: It's called "probing". It's a military procedure. You send in a reconnaissance group, very small... to check things out. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation... evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear.
Merrill: Clear for what?
SFC Cunningham: For the rest of them.
Everything has a weakness.
Merrill: For the kids' protection. They were watching the TV from 5am on. I didn't want them getting obsessed, like you said. They should be outside, playing Furry Furry Rabbit or tea party or something.
Graham Hess: What's Furry Furry rabbit?
Merrill: It's a game, isn't it?
SFC Cunningham: Why weren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?
Lionel Prichard: 'Cause he has another record most people don't know about. He has the minor league strikeout record.
Merrill: Hello Lionel.
Lionel Prichard: Merrill's a class-A screw up. He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could. Looked like a lumberjack chopping down a tree. Merrill here has more strikeouts than any two players.
SFC Cunningham: You really got the strikeout record?
Merrill: Felt wrong not to swing.
SFC Cunningham: You didn't used to play baseball did ya? Shit, I know you. You're Merrill Hess! I was there the day you hit that 507-footer over the left field wall, set the record. Man, that thing had a motor on it. It's still the record right?
Merrill: Got the bat at home on the wall.
SFC Cunningham: You've got two minor league home-run records, don't ya?
Merrill: Excluding the possibility that a female Scandinavian Olympian was running around outside our house last night, what else might be a possibility?
Officer Caroline: I'm not done asking questions. And I don't appreciate sarcasm.
Graham Hess: We're going to board up every window in this house.
Merrill: How do you know boards will do anything?
Graham Hess: Because they seem to have trouble with pantry doors.
There are a lot of things I can take, and some things I can't. But what I can't take is when my older brother, who's everything that I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.
One time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Amanda McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a paper cup. I turn back, and Amanda McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered.
Officer Caroline: Merrill... how's work at the gas station?
I'm a miracle man.