I'm assuming you all have guns and crack!

Officer Michaels: [out of breath] He's a freak...
[panting]
Officer Michaels: He's the fastest kid alive...

Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin?
Fogell: Old enough.
Officer Michaels: Old enough for what?
Fogell: To party.

Prepare to get fucked by the long dick of the law.

Fogell: What's it like to have a gun?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.

Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.

Officer Michaels: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?
Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming."

Officer Michaels: McLovin?
Officer Slater: [pause] That's such a cool name.
Officer Michaels: I know. It sounds like a sexy hamburger.

Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

Officer Slater: [talking to Fogell with Officer Michaels in the liquor store after a robbery] May we see your identification?
[Fogell uneasily hands over his fake I.D]
Officer Slater: McLovin?
[Fogell is really nervous]
Officer Slater: [pauses] That's a cool name, man.
Fogell: [amazed that his fake I.D. worked] Wha...
Officer Slater: Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I pulled arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck".
Officer Michaels: He was Vietnamese, so it was probably spelled with a "ph", I dunno.

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Officer Michaels

Officer Michaels is shocked

Officer Michaels is played by the always-hilarious Seth Rogen. This is one police officer who drinks, smokes and shoots on the job. As a defender of McLovin, however, Officer Michaels is more than okay by us. He's an American hero.

Played By
Seth Rogen
Full Name
Officer Michaels