Detective Dolly: Nobody reported any gunshots.
Paul Smecker: This is an Irish neighborhood. I'm surprised you even got a phone call.

Detective Greenly: What if it was one guy with six guns?
Paul Smecker: Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius?

Detective Greenly: These guys are miles away by now, but if you want to beat your head against a wall, then here's what you're looking for: they're scared, like two little bunny rabbits. Anything in a uniform or flashing blue lights is gonna spook 'em, OK? So the only thing we can do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston, "Thanks for coming out!"
[Murphy and Connor walk into the station and Smecker sees them]
Murphy: You'd probably have better luck with a beer.
Connor: Aye, you would.
Detective Greenly: Fuck.
Paul Smecker: Hey, Greenly. Onion bagel, cream cheese.

Detective Dolly: So what's the symbology there?
Paul Smecker: Well, now that Duffy has relinquished his "King Bonehead" crown I see we have an heir to the throne! I believe the word you were looking for is "symbolism." What is the ssss-himbolism.

I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these cocksuckers to slip through.

The Priest: Would they ever harm an innocent person for any reason?
[of Rocco, who's holding him at gunpoint]
Paul Smecker: No, they would never do that.
Paul Smecker: Well, the two Irish guys wouldn't, the Italian guy, he might, he's kind of an idiot.

Connor: Jesus. He brought a six-shooter.
Murphy: There's nine bodies, genius.
Connor: What the fuck were you going to do, laugh the last three to death, Funny-Man?

So Duffy, have any theories to go with that tie?

Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond shit never happens in real life! Professionals don't do that!

Oh, isn't that wonderful? All the lowlifes in quiet city Boston are dropping dead and *you* think it's unrelated! Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police to do my thinking for me, I will have a fucking tag on my toe!

You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.

Paul Smecker: [Enters the police station, packed with cops] First of all, I'd like to thank whichever one of you donut-munching, barrel-assed, pud-pulling sissies leaked this to the press. That's all we need now: some sensational story in the papers making these guys out to be superheroes, triumphing over evil. Let me squash the rumors right now:
These two are not heroes. They're just two ordinary men who were put in an extraordinary situation and just happened to come out on top. Yes, nothing from our far-reaching computer system has turned up diddly on these two. All we know is what we found out from the neighbors, and the general consensus is, they're angels. But angels don't kill. And we have two bodies in the morgue that look like they've been "serial-crushed by some huge friggin' guy".

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Paul Smecker

Paul Smecker Picture

FBI Agent Paul Smecker is sent to investigate the killing of Russian mobsters by the MacManus twins, which he determines to be self defense.  Smecker ends up that the despite their murders, that the Boondock Saints (the MacManus twins) are the good guys.

Played By
Willem Dafoe
Full Name
Paul Smecker