Rabbi Jake Schram Quotes
Rabbi Jake Schram: You're in love with her?
Father Brian Finn: [to himself] No one seems to have picked up on this. It's very strange.
Rabbi Jake Schram: What's the story of Sodom and Gomorrah really about? Anyone? Steve Posner.
Steve Posner: Sexual perversion.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Sexual perversion. Steve Posner's watching too much Spice Channel!
Rabbi Jake Schram: What happened to our youth?
Father Brian Finn: I'm telling you, it ended at 30, pal.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.
Father Brian Finn: Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be.
Alan Klien: I suck! They're gonna take away my Yamulkha!
Rabbi Jake Schram: No you don't. You don't suck.
Alan Klien: I suck.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Yes, all right, you do. You suck. But that's ok, you're supposed to suck. This isn't a talent contest, it's a rite of passage.
Whoa! Listen to what you're saying. You're telling me that I was supposed to be sensitive to the possibility that a Catholic priest might have a crush on my secret girlfriend?
Rachel Rose: You write all your own sermons, right?
Rabbi Jake Schram: Actually I download them off the net, there's this great site www.hotgod.com.
Rachel Rose: Really?
[Anna kicks him under the table]
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ooh hoo, no.
Anna Riley: I read your sarin gas report. It was very powerful.
Rachel Rose: Thanks, I really earned my stripes with that piece.
Rabbi Jake Schram: I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting.
God is a lot like Blanche Du Bois.
Father Brian Finn: I got you something. I almost didn't because I was so mad but this is too good.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Holy shit! It's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card! It's like the last in the series!
Anna Riley: Don't you have work?
Rabbi Jake Schram: We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem.
Rachel Rose: Oh my God! The Iraqi defense minister just committed suicide!
Rabbi Jake Schram: Ooh! Is that bad or good?