Randal Graves Quotes
Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent? "Best of Both Worlds"?
Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Dante Hicks: And you rented this?
Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.
Randal Graves: If you break Dante's heart again, I'll kill you. Nothing personal.
Caitlin Bree: You sure are protective of Dante.
Dante Hicks: Who went back there?
Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear!
Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous.
Dante Hicks: Are you sure there's somebody back there?
Caitlin Bree: Well I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick!
Randal Graves: You just fucked a total stranger?
Dante Hicks: Shut the fuck up!
Caitlin Bree: I can't believe this...
Dante Hicks: Call the police!
Caitlin Bree: No, don't!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin!
Randal Graves: But she said that she did all the work.
Dante Hicks: Would you shut the fuck up! Who the fuck's in our bathroom?
Dante Hicks: It wasn't me.
Caitlin Bree: [scoffs] Yeah, right. Who was it? Randal?
Dante Hicks: [to Randal] Was it you?
Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time.
My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.
Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] Fuckin' dickhead.
Caitlin Bree: Can I use the bathroom?
Randal Graves: Sure, but there's no light back there.
Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights?
Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store.
Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.
Randal Graves: And I'm caught right in the middle - torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.
Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.
Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.
Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as a oral bowel movement.
Veronica Loughran: Hi, Randal.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven?
Dante Hicks: Shut up!
Randal Graves
Randal Graves is the funny clerk, obnoxious clerk from Clerks and Clerks II. In the original Clerks, Randal worked at a video store, though he spends most of his time with his best friend at the convience store. In the second Clerks, Randal actually works with Dante at Mooby's fast food restaurant.
- Played By
- Jeff Anderson
- Full Name
- Randal Graves
