[addressing his troops] And remember. This was all made possible thanks to the g-g-g-g-gullibility of the New York Police Department!

Federal Reserve Guard 2: [on phone] Listen, front desk, I need help I'm completely surrounded...
Simon Gruber: Hey, just relax mate, maybe you'll live through this.

Yesterday we were an army with no country, and tomorrow we must decide which country we want to buy!

Simon: [on phone] Rear guard, you can close up now.
[pauses, not getting an answer]
Simon: We've reached the dam, you can come up now...
[no answer]
Simon: Nils? You can close in now. Nils?
John McClane: [on the guard's phone] Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, fuckhead. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.
Simon: John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's $13 billion dollars worth of gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?
John McClane: Yeah, I got a deal for you. Come out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
Simon: How colorful.

Simon: Where are my pigeons now?
Inspector Cobb: Pigeons?
Simon: I had two pigeons, bright and gay, fly for me the other day. Why is it they did go? You cannot tell, you do not know.
Inspector Cobb: You mean McClane?
Simon: No, I mean Santa Claus.

Money means shit to me. I would not give up McClane for all the gold in your Fort Knox.

Said Simple Simon to the pieman going to the fair, "Give me your pies... or I'll cave your head in."

Simon: I want you and the Samaritan at the corner of 72nd and Broadway in 15 minutes. You understand?
John McClane: Yeah, I understand. I understand that you're a fucking wacko who likes to play kids' games.
Simon: Hahdly.
John McClane: [imitating Simon] Hahdly? Well, what have you got against me anyway? What did I bring you in for? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?

I'm a soldier, not a monster. Though I sometimes work for monsters.

John McClane: They told me to stay on the line.
Simon: Ha! God I love this country!
John McClane: You know, your brother was an asshole.
Simon: Yeah, he was an asshole. You got his number.

Zeus: [picks up the phone] I'm here.
Simon: And McClane?
Zeus: He's on his way. He's a little slow. He's out of shape.
Simon: The rules applied to the both of you. I'm afraid this is non-compliance. Goodbye.
Zeus: [to cops] Trust me guys. Duck.

Zeus: What the hell does this all have to do with killing McClane?
Simon: Life has its little bonuses.

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