Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou: Okay, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.

Bill Ubell: Captain, I am required by law to notify the bank of any illegal activities...
Steve Zissou: Just do what you gotta do to cover your ass, Bill.

Vladimir Wolodarsky: Steve, one of the interns just fell down the stairs with the main tracking processor.
Steve Zissou: All right, just make sure we steal the backup.

I don't have a problem with objective reporting. What I have a problem with is some wombat... coming on my boat trying to railroad me.

Oseary Drakoulias: By the way, who knocked up the journalist?
Steve Zissou: I'm not sure.

Don't be mean to me. I just wanted to flirt with you.

Ned Plimpton: Who locked us out?
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No-one, we're trespassing.
Ned Plimpton: Steve, are we allowed in here?
Steve Zissou: It's a scientific community, man.

Oseary Drakoulias: I spoke with Larry Amin, and it's a pass.
Steve Zissou: In other words, you fucked us!
Oseary Drakoulias: Let's not cast stones at one another, my dear.

Alistair Hennessey: You're the most ravishing creature that I've ever seen in my life.
Eleanor Zissou: Hello Skinny.
Alistair Hennessey: Hello Eleanor.
Eleanor Zissou: Is that a new merit badge?
Alistair Hennessey: Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...
Steve Zissou: Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.

Steve Zissou: This bull dyke's got something against us.
Ned Plimpton: I don't think she's a lesbian. She's pregnant.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [about her baby] In twelve years, he'll be eleven and a half.
Steve Zissou: [pause] That was my favorite age.

Steve Zissou: I wanted to give you a heads-up on what I thought of the piece...
Jane Winslett-Richardson: You read it. What did you think?
Steve Zissou: Well, I was a little upset at first. I mean, obviously people are going to think I'm a showboat, and a little bit of a prick. But then I thought... that's me. I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that. You're a good writer, Jane.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: It's the effing cover.
Steve Zissou: Thatta girl.

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