Ty Webb Quotes
What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here?
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.
You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink.
Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks.
Judge Smails: I could beat you with one good arm.
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz.
Dr. Beeper: I beg your pardon.
Ty Webb: Judge, Al, I don't play golf... for money... against people.
Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here...
[lifts up bow and arrow]
Ty Webb: Getting ready for the season.
Lacey Underall: Duck?
Ty Webb: No... dolphin.
Lacey Underall: Who's you decorator? Bennihana?
Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.
Lacey Underall: You were in the war?
Ty Webb: [limps and pats his butt] No... Homo.
Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
Ty Webb: How do you mean?
Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
Ty Webb: This your place, Carl?
Carl Spackler: Yeah, whatta ya think?
Ty Webb: It's really... awful.
Carl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble.
Ty Webb: Guys, don't include me in this.
Al Czervik: Come on, Ty, you're an ace. Everybody knows it.
Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people.
Al Czervik: What are you, religious or something?
Ty Webb: You might say that.
Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.