Choir singer: [to himself] Just focus on the music, think melody, let the music be my guide.
Heather: Yeah, that'd be a start.

Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

Finch: Did not just take out that chair.
Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.

God... let this be it.

Jim

Kevin: He's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait 'til she leaves.

We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.

Jim's Dad

I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you *score*!

Coach Marshall

Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

[on condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...

Jim's Dad

Nadia: [takes off her panties]
Jim: Holy shit.
Finch: HOLY SHIT!
Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit!
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!

Jim's Dad: It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball.

Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys...
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!

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