Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Jim

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You gotta ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.

Jim's Dad

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.

Victoria 'Vicky': I want it to be the right time, the right place...
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.

Michelle: There um, hasn't been a whole lot of sexy time in the Levenstein household lately.
Selena: Why not?
Michelle: I don't know. I'm a mom now...
Selena: Oh please. Just because your a mom doesn't mean there isn't a whole other side to you.
Michelle: Hey! Remember that one time, at band camp, when we licked whipped cream off each others...
Selena: Yes! Yes, I remember...let's keep that in the past though, okay?

Steve Stifler: What did you cocks do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

God bless the Internet.

Finch

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Jim

I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

Jim

Steve Stifler: I love the Twilight books. New Moon is my favorite!
Teen Girl: Mine too!
Steve Stifler: Oh my god, it's like, we have so much in common!

FREE Movie Newsletter