Favorite American Pie Movies Quotes
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You gotta ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.
I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.Jim's Dad
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Victoria 'Vicky': I want it to be the right time, the right place...
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.
Michelle: There um, hasn't been a whole lot of sexy time in the Levenstein household lately.
Selena: Why not?
Michelle: I don't know. I'm a mom now...
Selena: Oh please. Just because your a mom doesn't mean there isn't a whole other side to you.
Michelle: Hey! Remember that one time, at band camp, when we licked whipped cream off each others...
Selena: Yes! Yes, I remember...let's keep that in the past though, okay?
Steve Stifler: What did you cocks do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!
God bless the Internet.Finch
You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.Jim
I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.Jim
Steve Stifler: I love the Twilight books. New Moon is my favorite!
Teen Girl: Mine too!
Steve Stifler: Oh my god, it's like, we have so much in common!
Jim's Dad: I have not had a night like that since the 70s.
Jim: Don't need this.
Jim's Dad: You'd be surprised what you can do with a well-placed thumb.