Popular American Pie Movies Quotes
Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys...
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!
I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.
Jim's Dad
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
Jim
MILF Guy #2: Dude that chick's a MILF!
MILF Guy #1: What the hell is that?
MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F... Mom I'd Like to Fuck!
MILF Guy #1: Yeah, dude! Yeah!
Vicky: Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can't say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He's got a dick, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.
[on condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...
Jim's Dad
Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?
I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you *score*!
Coach Marshall
Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Steve Stifler: Fuck you!
Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim's Dad: It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball.
