Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father.
Austin: Really?
Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin: Right. Idiot, yes.

Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?
Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numb nuts.

Mini Me, if I ever lost you I don't know what I would do. [pauses] I'd probably move on and get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable.

Dr. Evil

Hello up there. Is the movie over? I'm still down here... and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. Oh, the pain is really quite severe. I... I've fashioned a makeshift splint. Here goes nothing. Aaaa...

Mustafa

Do ya have ta call me fat? I tried going on a diet you know. The Zone, ya know, "Carbs are the enemy," eh?

Fat Bastard

Austin: How does that feel, baby?
Felicity Shagwell: Mmm, lower.
Austin: [deep voice] How does that feel, baby?

Dr. Evil: You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star."
Scott: [snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth.
Dr. Evil: What did you call me?
Scott: Nothing.
Scott: [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff.
Dr. Evil: Bless you.

[to Felicity Shagwell] Would you like to have another go? 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back.

Fat Bastard

Mini-me, you complete me.

Dr. Evil

Commander Gilmour: Oh my God, he's back.
Johnson Ritter: In many ways, Bob's Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices.

Quartermaster Clerk: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.
Austin Powers: [to Vanessa] That's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Quartermaster Clerk: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.

Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: 21. Very good, sir.
Austin Powers: [has 5] I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: 20 beat your 5 sir. I'm sorry, sir.
Austin Powers: Well I must admit, cards aren't my bag, baby.

FREE Movie Newsletter