Vanessa Kensington: Do you smoke after sex?
Austin: I don't know, baby, I never looked.

Austin: Basil, this coffee smells like shit.
Basil: It is shit, Austin.
Austin: Oh, good, then it's not just me.

That's for calling me crap you fatty!

Felicity Shagwell

Mini-me, we do not gnaw on the kitty.

Dr. Evil

[to Felicity Shagwell] Would you like to have another go? 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back.

Fat Bastard

[about Mini-me] Jesus Christ, he's tiny! I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap.

Fat Bastard

Shut up, you bastard... who is fat...

Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?

[to Mini Me] I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.

Fat Bastard

Mini Me, stop humping the "laser." Honest to God! Why don't you and the giant "laser" get a fricken room for God's sakes?

Dr. Evil

I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs. *Chili's* Baby back ribs.

Fat Bastard

Scott: Look, I was wondering if we could work all this out? You are, after all, my father.
Dr Evil: Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins.
Scott: Him? Look at him, he's crazy. He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets.
Dr Evil: Probably.

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