Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: So he survived. What's the worst that could happen?
The Penguin: He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!

Catwoman: I thought you were just going to scare the Ice Princess.
The Penguin: She looked pretty scared to me!

Josh: There's probably not a lot of reflective surfaces in the sewer.
[He chuckles and the Penguin joins in]
The Penguin: Still... it could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood.
[They both laugh again]
Josh: Your nose could be gushing... what do you mean...
[the Penguin bites Josh's nose]

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with only the minimum of fuss!
[he starts to move away, but Catwoman captures him with her whip and pulls him close]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Money, jewels, a VERY big ball of string
Catwoman: Your blood, Max!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: My blood, I gave, at the office
Catwoman: A half pint... I'm talking gallons
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let's make a deal, other than my blood. What can I do for you?
Catwoman: Sorry, Max, a die for a die!

The Penguin: You're coming with me, Mr. Chip Shreck, to die!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Not Chip! Please! If you have one shred of human decency in you, you'll take me instead.
The Penguin: I don't, so no.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Come on, aren't I the one you want? Max Shreck, the guy you really want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage?
The Penguin: ...Okay, you got a point. I'll let the little prince live.

The Penguin: By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Fred? I believe he's... on extended vacation. He's good.
The Penguin: Good?
[Penguin takes out a severed hand]
The Penguin: Hi, Max! Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! You wanna greet any other body parts? Remember, Max. You flush it. I flaunt it.

The Penguin: Check it out. We're going to disassemble the Batmobile - turn it into an H-bomb on wheels.
Catwoman: No, he'd have even more power as a martyr. To destroy Batman, we have to turn him into what he hates the most. Namely us.

Catwoman: Not even in office yet and already an enemies list, hmm?
The Penguin: Those names aren't for prying eyes. Say, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just some screwed-up sorority chick who's trying to get back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen.

Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?

The Riddler

One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!


Dick Grayson: I need a name! Batboy, Nightwing, I dunno. What's a good sidekick name?
Bruce Wayne: How about Dick Grayson, college student?
Dick Grayson: Screw you!

[upon reaching Claw Island]
Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman!
Batman: Huh?
Robin: The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey.
Batman: Oh.

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