The Joker: I recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia...
[lays the mask that Alicia wore on the table]
The Joker: ... threw herself out the window.
Vicki Vale: Oh, my God...
The Joker: But, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
[breaks the mask and starts giggling]

Bruce Wayne: Have you told anyone I'm coming back?
Alfred Pennyworth: I just couldn't figure legal ramifications of bringing you back from the dead.
Bruce Wayne: Dead?
Alfred Pennyworth: You've been gone seven years.
Bruce Wayne: You have me declared dead?
Alfred Pennyworth: Actually it was Mr. Earl, he's taking the company public. He wanted to liquidate your majority shareholding. Those shares are worth quite a bit of money.
Bruce Wayne: It's a good thing I left everything to you then.
Alfred Pennyworth: Quite so, sir. And you can borrow the Rolls if you like. Just bring it back with a full tank.

Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
The Joker: I've been dead once already, its very liberating. You should think of it as therapy.
Grissom: Jack, maybe we can cut a deal.
The Joker: Jack?
The Joker: Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me Joker and as you can see I'm a lot happier.

The Penguin: Check it out. We're going to disassemble the Batmobile - turn it into an H-bomb on wheels.
Catwoman: No, he'd have even more power as a martyr. To destroy Batman, we have to turn him into what he hates the most. Namely us.

The Penguin: By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Fred? I believe he's... on extended vacation. He's good.
The Penguin: Good?
[Penguin takes out a severed hand]
The Penguin: Hi, Max! Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! You wanna greet any other body parts? Remember, Max. You flush it. I flaunt it.

Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

The Joker

Alfred Pennyworth: I prepared the master bedroom.
Bruce Wayne: No, my room will be fine.
Alfred Pennyworth: With all due respect sir, Wayne Manor is your house.
Bruce Wayne: It's not my house Alfred, it's my father's house.
Alfred Pennyworth: Your father is dead.
Bruce Wayne: This place is a mausoleum. If I had my will, I would tear it down brick by brick.
Alfred Pennyworth: This house, Master Wayne, was shelter to six generations of your family.
Bruce Wayne: Why do you give a damn, Alfred? It's not your family.
Alfred Pennyworth: I give a damn because a good man once made me responsible for what was most precious to him in the whole world.

Rachel Dawes: I guess there is no way I can convince you not to come.
Bruce Wayne: Someone in this proceeding should stand for my parents.
Rachel Dawes: We all loved your parents, Bruce. What Chill did is unforgivable.
Bruce Wayne: Then why is your boss letting him go?
Rachel Dawes: In prison, he shared a cell with Carmine Falcone, he learned things and will testify in exchange for early parole.
Bruce Wayne: Rachel, this man killed my parents. I cannot let that pass. And I need you to understand that, please.

Catwoman: Not even in office yet and already an enemies list, hmm?
The Penguin: Those names aren't for prying eyes. Say, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just some screwed-up sorority chick who's trying to get back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen.

Bruce Wayne: I'll look into it.
[turns away from Gordon and walks toward the rooftop ledge]
Jim Gordon: I never got to say, "Thank you."
Bruce Wayne: [looks back to Gordon] And you'll never have to.

The Penguin: You're coming with me, Mr. Chip Shreck, to die!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Not Chip! Please! If you have one shred of human decency in you, you'll take me instead.
The Penguin: I don't, so no.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Come on, aren't I the one you want? Max Shreck, the guy you really want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage?
The Penguin: ...Okay, you got a point. I'll let the little prince live.

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with only the minimum of fuss!
[he starts to move away, but Catwoman captures him with her whip and pulls him close]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Money, jewels, a VERY big ball of string
Catwoman: Your blood, Max!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: My blood, I gave, at the office
Catwoman: A half pint... I'm talking gallons
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let's make a deal, other than my blood. What can I do for you?
Catwoman: Sorry, Max, a die for a die!

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