[rapping] You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.

Grim Reaper

Grim Reaper: I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.
Bill: Sorry, death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!
Grim Reaper: I said Plum!
Ted: No way! You said Mustard! Can we go back now?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best three out of five!
Ted: I don't believe this guy!

Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?

You're not strong! You're silky boys! Silk comes from the butts of Chinese Worms!

Colonel Oates

Bill: Hey Ted? Wanna play 20 questions?
Ted: Okay! I got one!
Bill: Is it a mineral?
Ted: Yeah!
Bill: Are you a tank?
Ted: Whoa! Yeah!

Ted: Your stepmom's cute.
Bill: Shut up Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!
Ted: Remember when I asked your mom to the prom?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!

Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

Socrates [speaking Greek]

Be excellent to each other. ...And... party on, dudes!

Abraham Lincoln

Rufus: Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?
Rufus: Well, perhaps we could ask them.

It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."

Mr. Ryan

Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Bill, Ted: And we are... WYLD STALLYNS!

Rufus: Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

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