Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck load of cutlery!

Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?
Nicholas Angel: Cornetto

Jesus Chris

Reverend Philip Shooter

Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples around here, don't we?
Sergeant Turner: You do sell apples don't you?
DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, and raspberries.

Haven't you ever wondered why the crime rate is so low? But the accident rate is so high?

Nicholas Angel

Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'

Danny Butterman

Danny Butterman: Point Break or Bad Boys II?
Nicholas Angel: Which one do you think I'll prefer?
Danny Butterman: No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?

[Looking at a suspicious-looking passerby]
Nicholas Angel: All right, what about this guy? Ask yourself, why has he got his hat pulled down like that?
Danny Butterman: He's fuck-ugly.
Nicholas Angel: Or, he doesn't want you to see his face.
Danny Butterman: Yeah, it's 'cause he's fuck-ugly.

Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life
Danny Butterman: [nodding] What's the second most painful?

I think you will find me a slasher... of prices!

Simon Skinner

Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor, deal with it!
Danny Butterman: Yeah, motherfucker!

Metropolitan Police Inspector: [darkly] You don't want me to get the Chief Inspector down here do you?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I would actually.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Very well.
[to a man by the door]
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Kenneth?

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