Dave Lizewski: How do I get a hold of you?
Hit Girl: [sarcastically] You just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky; it's in the shape of a giant cock!

Diner Fight Guy 1: ~ the fuck is wrong with you, man? You rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even fucking know?
Dave Lizewski: And three assholes, laying it in one guy while everyone else watches?
[reaches for air]
Dave Lizewski: And you wanna know what's wrong with me? Yeah, I'd rather die... so bring it on!

After hearing gunshots "Yeah that's one weird sounding bazooka"

Frank D'Amico

Damon Macready: So... Have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?
Mindy Macready: Can I get a puppy?
Damon Macready: You wanna get a dog?
Mindy Macready: Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one, and a Bratz movie-star make over Sasha!
Mindy Macready: I'm just fucking with you Daddy... I'd love a bench made model 42 butterfly knife!
Damon Macready: [relieved] Oh, child... You always knock me for a loop!

Okay you cunts... Let's see what you can do now!

Hit Girl

Fuck this shit, I'm getting the bazooka!

Huge Goon

Katie Deauxma: Dave,why are you dressed like Kick-ass!
Dave Lizewski: I am Kick-ass! I'm also not gay.
Katie Deauxma: Fuck!

So, you wanna play?

Hit Girl

Tool up, honey bunny. It's time to get bad guys.

Damon Macready

With no power comes no responsibility.

Dave Lizewski

Chris D'Amico: Red Mist is standing on top of a dumpster "Kick-ass"
Dave Lizewski: Red Mist
Chris D'Amico: Red Mist jumps off the dumpster "Oh shit, that kind of hurt"

Damon Macready: After Hit Girl takes out a room of drug dealers and is about to be attacked by a bouncer, the bouncer is sniped "We keep our backs where?
Hit Girl: To the wall, I know Daddy, it won't happen again, nice shot by the way
Damon Macready: Thank you.

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