Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.
Elle: These aren't last season!
[looks down, gasps, runs back to court]
Elle: He's gay! Enrique is gay!

Elle: This is what I need to become.
Old Lady at Manicurist: What? Practically deformed?
Elle: No, a law student.

If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were.

Professor Stromwell

So what's this Vivian got that you don't have? Three tits?


You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!


Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.
Professor Callahan: You've just won your case.

Elle: Here it is!
Professor Callahan: It’s pink...
Elle: Oh! And it's scented! I think it gives it a little something extra, don't you think? Ok, well, see you next class!

Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?
Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.
Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.

Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?


Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no
Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.


Warner Huntington III: Pooh bear, just get in the car.
Elle: No.
Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Elle: Okay.

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